I managed to hold myself together as much as I possibly could as I watched the Memorial Service at the Staples Center. Jermaine sang the song Smile, and he sang the words wrong. I was thinking OMG bless his heart. The look on his face as he sang the song was so serious and I thought it was pitiful. A brother singing a song of his brothers and getting the words messed up.
Kenny Ortega talked at the memorial, and he said something that also stood out to me, that I thought they are so grief stricken; they are not getting something’s right. Kenny said a little over a week ago that they were here and Michael was supposed to have died June 25, this was July 7th Poor people they are as grief stricken as I am, and getting confused in what they say.
I totally lost it when little Paris spoke about her daddy, I could not hold it any longer, I almost screamed out in pain and anguish with the thoughts of those three children without their daddy. I know how much that his children meant to him. I see it in his eyes when he is with them, and how he talks to them on the video’s I have seen and in the news when he has them with him.
My mind kept going back to the video’s and in the news of the Staples Center was where Michael had rehearsed up to the night before he died. Bringing on more tears, I am falling apart; I want to scream out, No, No I can’t pull through this, I keep asking myself why this has had such an impact on me as it has. I can’t get it off my mind. Michael can’t be gone. I never realized just how much he had been a part of my life. Growing together but in different worlds, it seems as if he is a part of me.
Baby girl asked me, Momma what is wrong with you, I never seen you this way before, and you never was like this when stepfather died. I can’t explain why. I don’t know why.
To Be Continued
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